


things come out of the woodwork

by kingdra (aroceu)



Series: July 2017 Advent Calendar [3]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Episode Tag, M/M, Pining, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-29 07:25:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11435994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aroceu/pseuds/kingdra
Summary: Dib flips, Nursey flips. It's cathartic.





	things come out of the woodwork

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bugsprout](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bugsprout/gifts).



> This is my first Check Please fic for my gay bee Mel who requested for my advent calendar for fic about Nursey screaming in the woods. Um. Yeah. First Check Please fic! (And another one coming in like 0.5 minutes.) Sorry about wonky characterization? Or inaccuracies? Or how canon divergent this fic may end up being? Which, like, whatever, 'cause Dex/Nursey.
> 
> Title from Lorde's "Homemade Dynamite."

The coin still stood in the crack of the floorboards. Dex had sat down in front of it - Lardo had left the room with an, "ugh, this isn't worth my time, be out of my room when I get back" - and Derek knew that sharing a room with Dex wouldn't be terrible - especially if Dex moved out since he was so uptight, truthfully - but making fun of him got old two minutes ago when Derek was joking about Dex moving out by September and Dex saying _nothing_.

"Dude," Derek said, peering around to look him in the face. "It's not going to be _that_ bad, you know? I'm a pretty good roommate, if I do say so myself - "

"I don't care," Dex bit out, not looking up. "I _like_ my space. I don't want to share a room with you. Not you, not Chowder, not anyone."

"Well I mean, I'd understand not wanting to room with Chowder," Derek said, trying to chuckle. "C'mon man, haven't you had a roommate before - "

"I haven't had a roommate like you. Who I - " Dex shook his head. "It doesn't matter. Why aren't re-flips allowed?"

Derek tried to pretend that the comment didn't sting, staring at the angry flush on Dex's freckled cheeks as he continued to stare at the coin. Everything suddenly seemed very far away - and Derek _knew_ why, knew all the reasons behind why he glanced at Dex in the locker rooms sometimes when he wasn't looking, couldn't think of anything else to say except weird insults and only half-hated the way Dex seemed to think he worked harder than everyone else - but it was real now, the way Dex wouldn't look at him, didn't want to be in the same room as him for an entire month.

And a part of Derek _did_ think Dex wouldn't be able to handle it, just give up and move out after a month or so next year, but - that was still hard to deal with when Derek didn't mind, when he just wanted to -

Tightness enclosed over his chest. It didn't feel like his body when he heard his voice speak, "Okay, well, uh, I'm going to head back to my dorm." Like was on autopilot, he trotted out of the Haus, said goodbye to Bitty and Lardo ("is Dex _still_ in there?") and made his way back to campus.

Derek didn't really try to get dibs, but he did help Lardo and he did know that he deserved it and it would be - Derek wasn't going to give that up, because a crush was nothing to interfere with living space, especially a crush on Dex. Jack and Bitty seemed so happy - Lardo and Shitty when he visited seemed so happy - and Derek didn't know why his chest burned for someone who argued with him all the time, even though Dex would still sit next to him on the bus and be a good d-man during games. But he didn't want to live with him, and the harder Derek thought about it the more panic it gave him. What was wrong with him? What was wrong with living with him? And why did Derek have to have these stupid feelings, anyway, because if he didn't care everything would be easier and he could just laugh in Dex's face and sit with Chowder on the bus or something.

He was pacing down campus, not realizing how fast he was walking until he approached the park. Derek liked the park; in Manhattan he was always scoping out the greener areas. It never really felt like the city when he was there, but like an isle inside a city, of green and something fresh. Nature had always had that calming effect, and as he could feel the dark thoughts and gripping sensation rise inside his chest, Derek made his way through the park, focusing on his feet and breathing and realizing he was more affected by this than he thought.

It was just Dex - and Derek didn't care, except he did. He did like making fun of Chowder's shits on the bus with Dex, discussing bogus plays of other teams, arguing about petty bullshit like the best way to wash bedsheets or the best flavor of pie. ("There is no _best_ flavor, gentlemen," Bitty always said.)

And yeah, okay, sure, sometimes Derek fantasized about, like, telling Dex how he felt, or just forgoing the whole talking part and kissing him or whatever, tucking his fingers behind his neck, rubbing his thumbs against his freckles. So what.

So what. Derek's breathing was getting shallower and all he wanted to do was fucking _scream_. There was a forest at the edge of the park - and Derek knew this, having come here a few times before, after the first time he scoped out campus during orientation and saw how isolated the forest was. It was better than the green oases of Manhattan or scattered across campus - it was completely sheltered by trees, practically dead quiet, and the inescapable feelings in Derek's chest were too much for him to handle around other people right now.

He took a deep breath, and then belted out into the trees as loud as he could. Just fucking _screamed_ , because Dex was being stupid, and he was being stupid, and why couldn't they all just calm down and get along and live together and have it be no big deal? Why did Derek's stomach have to sink, why did he have to _care_ , why did everything feel like it was closing in on him? He yelled and yelled into the forest, as hard as he could, nothing but a stream of sound out of his mouth, out of his chest, like it was being punched out of him. Like he was deflating until his mind was blissfully empty.

"Okay," he said, kind of hoarsely, when he was done yelling. The birds, of course, had flocked off, and Derek felt a little ridiculous, but it always worked. His heart was back to its normal rate, his mind felt less fuzzy, and Dex - well, what he felt for Dex was still there, but he could cope with it as much as he could. As much as he'd been doing as of now. It was fine.

He made his way back to his dorm and decided to do homework - that didn't require any thinking about feelings, just thinking about things that had nothing to do with ginger teammates. His roommate asked him if he'd come down with a cold when he heard Derek's slightly raspy voice, and Derek laughed and said that he'd just swallowed something down the wrong way.

He liked being calm. If he had to find his way to do so, he would. Even if that meant screaming at greenery for twenty minutes.

The rest of the evening was mildly uneventful, despite that Lardo texted him, _dude dex's still here can u come and get him?_ Derek ignored her; it would have consequences, one day, but if Dex was going to be a baby about this - there was nothing Derek could do. His chest seized up briefly, but he exhaled through his nose because it wasn't like before, with the anxiety attack, like falling into a hole and calling for help with no response. It was just a crush.

*

And then Derek was getting ready for bed when there was a knock at his dorm door. It was past midnight, and Derek was reading on his bed. "It's open," he called, because his roommate had gone out with some friends and might've left his key inside or something.

But when the door opened, Derek was surprised to see Dex shuffling in, looking vaguely tired. Derek was suddenly aware that he was in his pajamas, and put his book down. "Hi?" he said.

Dex shifted from foot to foot, and then eyed a spot sideways on the ground instead of looking at Derek. "I realize that my reaction earlier was, um," he said.

Derek said, "Did Lardo put you up to this?"

"No!" Dex said immediately. "I'm trying to - ugh, look, I asked Lardo and Bitty and even called Shitty about the dibs thing and they said that they don't do re-flips, and I guess it wouldn't be terrible to have a lower rent with - basically," he tried to look at Derek, "I'm saying it couldn't be that bad."

This was as close to an apology Derek was going to get, he knew. Still, he said, "So you're not gonna move out in September?"

"I'm not a quitter." Dex huffed out of his nose.

Derek laughed anyway. "It won't be that bad, rooming with me," he said, trying to ignore how much he really _was_ looking forward to it. "And look, at least we both got dibs - "

"You did deserve yours," Dex said begrudgingly. "This doesn't mean anything, though - I only found your dorm 'cause I asked around, I didn't want you to think - "

"Whatever you didn't want me to think, I probably already though tit." Derek rolled his eyes. At Dex's alarmed expression, he added, "Seriously. It's whatever."

"It's whatever?" Dex said hesitantly.

What Derek really wanted to do was tug Dex down and kiss him. What he did instead was extend his hand and shrug.

"We're gonna have to be roommates for at least a week," he said. "So - "

"More than a week," Dex insisted, taking his hand and shaking it.

Derek looked determinedly at Dex's eyes, and nowhere lower. "Sure," he said, and made himself think of shiny green grass, the isolationism of the trees, what his knuckles might look against Dex's cheek. "Whatever you say."

 


End file.
